


City Kids in the Woods

by wheresthetime64



Category: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexuality, Camping, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, Multi, OT3, Pining, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Teen Angst, Threesome - F/M/M, bisexuals gone camping what will they do next, perhaps kiss?, polyamory?? in MY fishing trip???, there was only one tent......
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26152771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheresthetime64/pseuds/wheresthetime64
Summary: The Summer Fishing Trip of 1986: A Two-Part StoryOn their last night in front of a campfire, Cameron decides to make a confession.
Relationships: Ferris Bueller/Cameron Frye/Sloane Peterson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	1. Lying Alone in the Forest

**Author's Note:**

> woooo the first part of my first get-together fic!!! i did mention before that i'd started writing a get-together before i interacted with any fbdo fandom, but that's a different one and much longer. i had this idea fairly recently and just had to act on it, so here it is. this is gonna be an angstfest but hang in there haha (also warning i briefly mention cameron's abusive home life in this part)

This fishing trip, Cameron thought exhaustedly for maybe the fourth time that day, was equal parts heaven and hell for him.

What was the heaven part? Well, for starters, frolicking in the woods with who were two of the only people you ever cared about anymore wasn’t that bad, there were in fact a lot of pros when it came down to it. 

The weekend trip was Ferris’ idea - well, he guessed a lot of their trips were - but this one was especially out of bounds for them. Cameron and Sloane were always born city kids; actually, maybe that was an exaggeration. Sloane was more of a suburban kid and Cameron hadn’t been a city kid since his family moved into that big glass cube in the middle of the forest; a forest that was eternally off-limits, by the way, according to his parents. He supposed Ferris was a suburban kid too - but Ferris told them that there was but one time in the year he’d get to shed that, dive back into the wilderness and breathe in some nice, undiluted air, see the stars beyond the city lights and all that rugged goodness. His annual summer fishing trip with his “Pops”.

Ever since Ferris was at least eight his dad would have him go, certainly always a ploy to get some “male-bonding time” in and develop a few “life skills” along the way. But Ferris said that he always enjoyed the change in scenery, so he did look forward to these trips. But now that he was a “man”, as it were, it was time for him to organize his own fishing trips.

‘Course, his Dad wasn’t coming along on this one, he’d made that very clear to them from the get-go. His dad only agreed to this because Ferris had crafted this fancy speech about maturity and manhood and his dad passing on the fishing torch and perhaps it was time he taught his well-practiced survival skills to others. 

But Cameron knew Ferris didn’t give a single shit about manhood or any of that. He just wanted to fuck around in the woods. And hey, who could blame him? Cameron and Sloane also thought the idea sounded pretty appealing. 

And so when they finally arrived at the small, obscure clearing in the forest near the river that Ferris drove Cameron’s car all those miles over to, they only ever attempted fishing once, just to see what would happen, really. Only one fish failed to escape the three of them.  
“Probably the unluckiest little bastard in the entire river,” Cameron had said, upon getting a closer look at their gently thrashing, gasping guest. “Why, thank you. Can’t say I didn’t try,” Ferris had grinned, as he held up the line a little higher for better view.

“I don’t think that was a compliment, Ferris,” Sloane had said. She and Cameron looked at each other and burst into laughter while Ferris just stood staring at them, mouth agape like their little guest and looking betrayed.

They guessed from the beginning that Ferris would bag one, those ten weeks of experience had to count for something, right? And after Ferris gleefully demonstrated how to properly disembowel the fish, ignoring their groans and objections and acting like he was simply showing them how to change a tire, they fried it up and had the least satisfying lunch of their lives. Things got more fun after that.

It was just the usual goofing around which, very much unlike fishing, Cameron had to admit they had a natural talent for. It was what they all did best together. From story-telling, joking, jeering, teasing, naming and claiming their own constellations, dancing around in firelight, hearing a bird and asking Cameron if he could imitate it (he almost always could), singing summer camp songs they could only half remember while one of them accompanied on Ferris’ clarinet, and taking scary things like the near future and dressing it up, making it seem a little less painful by trying to add what you could call hope into the stew pot of worries and possibilities. 

Even though they only had each other and nowhere else to go, he couldn’t say it got boring. He never had that with anyone else. Cameron thought about that a little more deeply. He also never really _had_ anyone else, he corrected himself. At least, no one who stuck around like they did. They never left him, didn’t fade away into the background or lose touch, they seemed adamant to become part of the fabric of his life. He could see how special that was. This made Cameron want forever with them. Wanting this terrified him, because forever with them was outright impossible for Cameron. Why?

That was the hell part of it. He didn’t care to put it delicately anymore, he was completely head-over-heels-over-ass in love with them.

Cameron always hated to admit this, but by now there was no getting around it. He just _was_.

So, in retrospect, maybe agreeing to go on a trip in which he would spend time in utter isolation with them wasn’t the best thing for him.

Massive understatement there. Ferris and Sloane still _were_ a couple, and not just his best friends, he had to remind himself, so he was still a witness to all the affection they so casually gave each other. He didn’t even think they were toning it down for him. 

In fact, so far into the summer he’d noticed that they had been a bit more affectionate with each other than usual. He felt sorry for them, after all there wasn’t much time left until Ferris would get whisked away from her by the start of their college year. Sure, she’d visit Fer every once in a while, and he was planning to call and write, but that’d be all, wouldn’t it? And it’s not like they had all the time in the world; work still loomed over their lives. Summer jobs couldn’t afford to have skip days. Cameron couldn’t really blame them. If he were dating her he’d probably do the same.

But back home his time with them was broken up with work shifts and the long drives back to his place. Here there was no escaping it, he was _always_ around them.

It didn’t matter, even if they did say that they “didn’t really mind” his being there, even when he would tease them about it and not say much else to cover up how he actually felt, like usual. It was still awkward as hell that time he woke up to the sight of their morning kisses and them whispering whatever it was they whispered into each other’s ears. Sometimes it felt like he had infiltrated a couple’s retreat.

And it wasn’t just them being all coupley that got to him, it was also, well, just them. It was sappy to think about, but even with all the surrounding natural beauty, his eyes and thoughts were more often on them. Without most of the distractions that came with a modern life it was way too easy to focus on all that made up Ferris and Sloane, and scarily easy to fawn over those attributes. Sure, friends could do that, until it crossed a line. Until it made him want to be close with them in all the ways third-wheels weren’t meant to be, and was left with the shame that would always come with that. Cameron was crossing all kinds of lines in his head, no matter how much that bothered him.

He remembered one particular moment very clearly, their first night here, when it was time to drop into bed after putting out what was left of the struggling fire. When the fire was out, Sloane looked up and gasped, brought their attention to the sky, the _full_ night sky. Apparently, they’d been too caught up in each other to notice it ever since they built the fire at dusk. 

It’d been like a domino effect; first Sloane was marveling, then Ferris, then Cameron, at the absolutely sparkling expanse spread above them, the rest of the stars and planets no longer erased by the loud, blazing lights of the city. It sort of looked like a blanket of jewels had been stretched across the sky, and not the usual sparsely star-studded inkiness they were used to back home. The moon that night was a compliment to it, nearly full aside from a sliver, and it cast so much light that it made the river shine, and let them make the surrounding area and each other out pretty damn well. Almost as well as if it were daytime.  
And then, after some thirty-odd more seconds of marveling, he was compelled to look down for what was really no clear reason to him. And then he found himself looking at _them_. 

He almost gasped out loud himself at the sight. Wasn’t prepared for how they’d look under all that moonlight. And to see them, so still, so full of wonder and peace, it was like they were brand new under that moon. Like he was looking at them for the very first time. It was almost as though he knew what love at first sight was like just from that. Not that Cameron ever believed in love at first sight, but he assumed that was exactly what it’d feel like if it existed. What made it really special however was that they were still the people he knew. All that history, every look, every conversation, all the life they shared between them. Seeing them new and knowing them well was one of the most precious things he’d ever felt. He almost thought he needed some kind of new, unreachable vocabulary to capture it in words.

In his memories he kept them frozen under that moon, kept his love for them frozen so that it didn’t break down into self-hate. But in real life, time had to pass. 

Cameron snapped out of it. Looked away from them hurriedly and felt embarrassed for having to tell himself that he was just on a camping trip with his friends and not in a goddamn Romeo and Juliet sonnet. But even so, he knew deep down he’d still be keeping that memory of them with him. He didn’t know what to think of that yet.

Eventually Sloane and Ferris turned away from the sky too and crowded into the tent. On their way over to it, Ferris had his arm around Sloane and Sloane kissed his temple lightly before separating to crawl through the tent’s opening. Cameron’s insides had lurched.

That was the worst of it, Cameron supposed. The fact that they shared a tent.

The fact that if the wind ruffling the walls of the tent and the nearby troop of crickets weren’t enough to keep him up, the mere _knowledge_ that he was inches away from the two people he incessantly tried to keep out of the more intimate parts of his mind, sleeping as tangled up as they were in each other, near tortured him. He of course tried to keep his distance best he could, always facing away from them and resisting the urge to look. Even for a moment. If he did, the thoughts would start bubbling up and he couldn’t deal with that. Not now, of all times.

Really, Cameron thought to himself on one of the dreaded nights, did they always have to be touching, even while _unconscious_? Then again, Cameron knew well that he had no idea what being a couple meant, maybe that was part of it. Maybe you were so used to wanting and being wanted, so used to touching someone, that eventually it sort of became a constant in your life. Maybe it was just something so normal for you that you couldn’t really see yourself doing without it. Or maybe that was just Sloane and Ferris being needy. Either one made some kind of sense.

Cameron came to realize how distinctly unfamiliar he was with that concept, he didn’t think his parents were even like that, only agreeing for appearance’s sake to share a bed. Being touched like they were seemed way more abstract than something that could actually happen to him. And maybe he should’ve been upset about that. Maybe he was. But whatever upset that might’ve taken place was obviously clouded over by the fear of intimacy. Specifically, the kind of intimacy he wasn’t allowed to have. With the people he wasn’t allowed to have. Who were being intimate, right next to him. God.

That morning, Cameron had even gotten a taste of that fear in action. He was lucky enough to wake up first, and realize he’d somehow moved in his sleep enough to lie right beside them. So close he was almost up against Sloane. Emphasis on almost, thankfully he wasn’t spooning her or anything, but he was way too close for comfort. With the shit thoroughly terrified out of him, he’d scrambled away on instinct, which had been enough to wake his tentmates. He’d made some excuse about thinking he saw a spider or some bullshit and that had been the end of that. Well, not for him at least. He couldn’t seem to keep it out of his thoughts. Seeing them so close-up like that.

It was absolutely the last thing he needed.

If a simple camping trip had him getting more and more upset about something he knew he could never have, then he clearly couldn’t do this anymore.

Crushes aside, he did love Ferris and Sloane, he knew that for a fact. And they loved him too, and maybe it wasn’t in the way he wanted them to, but it was still the most valuable thing in his life. Which is why it hurt that Cameron had to be the one to let them go.

This at first seemed kind of contrary to the promise he made himself before. He _had_ told himself he was going to start going for the things he wanted in life, the second his face had surfaced from the chilling depths of the swimming pool and met the cool slant of the open air, and from then on achieving his dreams of a life less bound by complacency went from a useless notion to what Cameron would consider a possibility. That was a miracle, on his terms. And he couldn’t have done it without them either, he admits this, and he’ll probably be forever grateful to them for it. For everything else they gave him so freely. But the secret was a burden. He knew it wasn’t going away, it’d been a year, a whole damn year and he’d failed in every respect to make it leave. He knew he couldn't ignore it either. So he considered the worry it caused him, that someday, by some accident it was sure to slip out of him, say something that would give him away. Cameron could almost feel it happening at any second, the longer he spent totally alone with them. So what else was there to do but rip off the band-aid and accept the exile? Chasing your dreams had its limits, and this HAD to be one of them.

He started considering what life would be like without them. He would've dreaded the thought of living in his parent's house without any support _at all_ if he wasn't doing this in the summer, but luckily that'd become more of a non-issue ever since Cameron moved out. Sometime in the aftermath of the falling out that came with the death of the Ferrari, Cameron had an epiphany of sorts that he wasn't legally obligated to live with the people who didn't even care to have him around anymore, and so he'd immediately made preparations to move after they finished up the school year and got their jobs. Ferris and Sloane had been more than ready to help him look through listings, and with their help he'd managed to nab a two bedroom apartment so that Ferris could stay with him when they started college. You had to adjust to a lot while living alone, but the adjustment he was most looking forward to getting used to was living in a place where you didn't feel like you had to be tensed up most of the time, lying in wait like a sitting duck for that next inevitable outburst. He could stand to get used to that, Cameron had thought with a long, tired sigh. Ferris' living there would've made it come full circle, but, well, there was the end of that. He offhandedly wondered how much one of those ads in the newspaper asking for a roommate cost. Man, that was going to be a painful one to write out.

Speaking of, it was about two and a quarter or so months until college started for him. Cameron also recalled that they had agreed to all go to the same college, he'd even transferred to the one Ferris was going to at the last minute as a sort of final act of rebellion against his parents. No way was he going to the one they’d picked out for him anymore, not when his friends had shown more care for him than they ever had. But that seemed like ages before deciding to leave said friends now. Things were going to get more than difficult there after this.

Whatever, he wasn’t going to go to the trouble of transferring schools again, and it had become more of a pick-your-poison type situation anyway. It would sting less to avoid eye contact with them in the halls or even in class than to stay with them and grow miserable over wanting the impossible. 

And Cameron was now a lot more confident that he could be capable of finding other people, maybe even someone to love if luck would decide to give him a chance, and he would always try to fight the default nature that hopelessness had taken in his head. After everything that had happened, he couldn’t just not commit to that. So it’s not like he’d be completely lost without Sloane or Ferris.

But . . . no matter how many people he could imagine meeting, he always knew they didn’t come like Ferris and Sloane. He’d try to force the thought to shrink, but it was always teasing him gently at the back of his mind. God, would he miss them. And mournfully, he doubted whether they would miss him or not, after inevitably and awkwardly drifting away from the boy who couldn’t help falling in love with them. He had to look forward now, Cameron reminded himself sternly, just accept the heartbreak and move on. There was nothing else to be done for a guy like himself. Cameron had never heard of a situation like this in his life, for what he was sure were obvious reasons, but he assumed it wouldn’t end particularly well. 

Well, however it would end, it was time to end it.

Cameron still felt like throwing up though.

It was deep into the night right about then, the last moments Cameron would share with them, giggling around a campfire over the ghost stories they were telling. Good last moments as any. Sloane had just performed what was probably the most dramatic re-telling of The Golden Arm he had ever seen (which was saying something, since he and Ferris had dealt with a long line of over-enthusiastic summer camp counselors in the past) and Ferris just improvised something that Sloane and Cameron couldn’t quite tell was supposed to be seen as a scary story or a funny story. And judging by the look on Ferris’ face that was exactly the intent. They’d had a good laugh about it all, like Cameron figured they would, and for a short time he even let himself get lost in the comfort of their shared joy, something so safe and expected by now. So when they gave an opening for him to explain his twice unrequited crushes and essentially tear down everything that meant something in their friendship, Cameron felt really compelled to tell himself he was overreacting here. And then he looked in their eyes again and he knew. Cameron knew it was too much for him. 

“All right, Cammy-boy, you’re up!” Ferris did a finger-gun at Cameron before placing his arm back around Sloane’s waist. “Better be good, or else that homicidal ghost I just summoned is going to be a little embarrassed for you.”

“Well, gotta say I’m not exactly keen on impressing him.” Cameron gave into the moment and laughed, just a little bit, until he let the soberness that needed to be pushed into the situation take him over. He looked down, his smile faded away, and he started chewing the corner of his lip methodically. 

“Nah, sorry, I don’t have anything,” Cameron half-mumbled.

Sloane’s head shot up from where it was resting on Ferris’ shoulder and she gasped in fake shock. 

“Nothing?” she asked him incredulously. “Come on, I’m not falling for that, you’ve got something up your sleeve. Hey, I can tell, you know.”

She could tell. Fuck.

Cameron shook his head. He heard another shocked sound from Sloane that dissolved into her easy laughter.

“Really, how many summer camps can you go without knowing at least _one_ good ghost story by the end of them? Shouldn't that be a requirement by now?”

“Practically is. You can't go without many, let me tell you,” Ferris butted in. “And that’s not even counting the urban legends he heard from me.”

Cameron almost wanted to ask them if it was possible they could stop being endearing for one fucking second so that they could get this over with and contently avoid each other for the rest of their lives, but that wasn’t really the subtle approach he was going for. So he just let the quiet follow, took a breath and pushed down the fear that got stuck in his throat.

“Guys,” he said, stern in his solemness. “There’s something I have to tell you and it’s not a story.”

Almost instantly, Cameron watched their faces fall at the stinging seriousness of his tone. He knew he was absolutely stripping the atmosphere of its lightheartedness, so it wasn’t the perfect time to bring it up. But it was getting uneasily late and this was their last night here, and he had their full attention, so this was honestly as good a time as he could get.

At first the silence seemed unbreakable, and as it continued anxiety leapt and bounded through Cameron, faster than even what he was used to. His heart was thudding, God, so much, struck with the sight of what lay at the end of the imagined downhill slope he was sure to trip and stumble towards. He started slowly and painfully bracing himself for impact.

“What do you mean?” Ferris asked him, quietly, cautiously.

Cameron looked up at them. _You owe them that much_ , he thought.

“I’m sorry. I'm gonna need to leave you guys.” 

Watching their reactions hurt, hurt like hell, hurt like more than anything he’d ever endured in himself on this whole fucking trip. 

Sloane’s eyes widened first, panicked and fraught with the pure distress that Cameron was worried from the beginning it would cause them. And now that he was seeing it for himself in her he felt a powerful surge of regret and almost wanted to backtrack the entire thing, but wasn’t exactly sure how he’d even go about doing that by now.

“ _What_?” Sloane breathed, almost unable to get the word out.

Ferris, he could tell, also looked incredibly concerned, but in his way tried to swoop in to smooth things over, even something as plainly tragic as what Cameron told them, “Cameron, look, you don’t know what you’re saying here-”

“No, I think I know what I’m saying here, actually. Ferris.”

Cameron forced his name out with a lick of frustration in his tone. The distaste in his mouth came from knowing Ferris had the audacity to say something like that, after everything he went through, almost wanting to tear his hair out from the root at the way they made him feel. Then in the quiet following his rebuttal he felt another pang of regret. They didn’t know where he was coming from, Cameron told himself. For all they knew so far their friend was abandoning them way out of nowhere, they had to be feeling desperate. Maybe he should let them, he thought. This was going to be hard for everyone, but pushing through and feeling it out was the first step. They should take that step. They had to.

Cameron breathed out, slowly, through his nose. “Please, just let me say this, okay? I need to--” Cameron squeezed his eyes shut and ground his teeth briefly. “-I need to say it. Okay, guys? Yeah?”

He looked over at them. There was still sorrow in their gazes, it was a deep-seated sorrow that knew the end of something good in their lives. But there was also a patience for him, a respect in what he wanted to say and goddamn, he was going to miss that too. The way they could listen, when they took Cameron and his words in like they wanted nothing more at the moment. He dreaded the future, when those moments would be long gone from his life. There would be other people who would listen, he quickly assured himself. But Ferris and Sloane wouldn’t. They wouldn’t ever again, that was the thing.

He shoved the dread away, as much of it as he could, quick as he could. What was it good for anyway? This was already happening. 

Cameron inhaled sharply and started at last. Saying anything that felt right to say. Needed.

“You don’t know what you mean to me. That’s what I'm saying here,” Cameron began. 

He darted his stare between the base of the fire, where the flames were tearing at the wood and kindling, and the ground that lay solidly before his boots. 

“You just, you just really don’t know and I always have to keep that in. And I - fuck, I have to think about it almost every fuckin’ day and night and I just let it eat me up over and over again and I can’t, I can’t _live_ like that anymore. I can’t-” he panted helplessly. "I-,"

Cameron stopped, because in the midst of his ranting he absentmindedly turned toward Ferris and Sloane again, and saw the way they were looking at him.

Cameron thought he’d never forget their faces at that moment. Because it looked like a dawning fear and confusion was suddenly taking place in them, as if they were already piecing together what Cameron was trying to say from that alone, but they needed way more clarity than what he was giving. Cameron almost wanted to cuss himself out right then and there. This wasn’t a fucking therapy session, he wasn’t going to go all stream of consciousness with his pain and just expect them to completely understand, they needed _some_ explanation. He had to give them that if they were all going to get out of this unscathed. As unscathed as they could in all this. 

Cameron thought of the very first thing they might need more background on. He felt a deep squeamish feeling in his chest at the realization he had never talked about this part of himself to anyone ever before, hell, he'd never dared spoken it out loud. But if they were ever going to understand, they should know. And God, if he had to struggle through trying to explain it just so that they _could_ know, then he was going to do that.

Cameron swiped a hand down his face, rested it over his chin, and sighed.

“Look, I'll tell you what's going on with this. And --myself." He gulped involuntarily. "I don't exactly know what I am either. Or what happened to me.”

His skin prickled violently with . . . something, he didn’t really give himself the time to tell. But Cameron still forged on despite it. 

“I mean, I’ve liked girls for the longest time, and then ‘round the time I first went to high school, all of a sudden I was feeling weird around guys and getting --- crushes, I guess, so I started getting worried and questioning all that. Then senior year came around and you two started dating and that’s, well, when I knew.”

That last part, “when I knew”, echoed hauntingly among Cameron’s thoughts - he remembered all too clearly the horror he’d felt on that day when he finally put two and two together and realized he was never going to feel the same around them again. 

Cameron then lost his nerve for a moment, pausing and shivering slightly. His hands were trembling where they rested on his knees. Fuck, if he was stopping now, would he ever start again? He knew he had to say he had to say the rest, he wanted to, but the dread was flooding in again and Cameron was almost starting to feel a kind of horrible emotional stun. He loathed the growing quiet between them because of this, and the sounds that became thunderous in its presence. The sudden rush in his head merged with the soft roar of the river, and his heart seemed to beat in time with the crickets. His lip trembled too and his teeth chattered slightly as he tried to get himself to say something, shit, _anything_.

And then he heard Sloane speak. “You knew what?”

And he knew what she meant when she spoke up. The soft curiosity resting in her tone, and the wariness that stood solidly behind it. Everyone knew what this was building up to, but they needed to hear it plainly. Had to hear the words said for any of this to become fully real to all of them. And that moment of transition is what Cameron feared the most, but even then he still found the will in himself to screw up something resembling courage and force the words out.

But he couldn’t look at them while doing it. Something like that was impossible.

So again he stared down at the base of the fire. Noticed the small brushes of blue that were pushed down at the bottom of the flames. He decided to focus on that instead of the enormous significance of what he was about to tell them. What their reactions could be. What the rest of his life would be.

“That I like you. I like both of you,” Cameron finally said. Almost whispered.

“A lot.”

He was taken aback by himself at that last part. He wondered how that even got out, what the fuck was he thinking saying that? Did it matter how much he liked them in the end? The fact that he did at all was the problem, this was probably making things all the harder. He’d impulsively rushed those two words out, as if his mouth wanted to let it go before his thoughts got wind of it. Maybe that is what happened, but realizing that didn’t stop the sudden pain of regret from coming back _again_ as he laid his hand on his forehead and forced himself to see what he had done.

What they had plastered across their faces was so similar to what they looked like at the beginning when he broke the news to them, but this time there was about a million times more shock added to the palette. Cameron was convinced they were totally speechless at that moment, which was headline news at any time in his life, but he hated that it was THIS moment, and that it was from something so divisive as he said. It had finally come together, and the effect was as disastrous as he’d imagined.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry but I had to say it.” Cameron jumped right back into his frenzied explaining, it was really the only thing left to do by now. “It was either gonna come out by accident or I was gonna die worrying that it would and shit, thought I might just get it done with. And I understand if you don’t want to stay around. I was expecting that, you know? I get it. That might be best for us anyways.”

Cameron exhaled harshly after he got all of that out, calming down somewhat and settling into a more solid state of mind. Then it was the impending gloom that he could tell was starting to crash down on him, and when Cameron felt its shadow on his back, suddenly he was so passive about it all he no longer gave that much of a damn about anything he said. Might as well get the whole truth out.

“I mean, if you knew how I get around you sometimes . . .” Cameron let out a short, humorless laugh.  
“. . . you probably wouldn’t even hesitate leaving.”

Cameron sucked in another breath to steady himself. He sniffed deeply and wiped his nose with his sleeve, hoping that would help somewhat too. 

“That’s just it. You wouldn’t even hesitate,” he repeated, his voice so small and low it was more of a croak than anything else.

That was the wrong thing to do. Because of that, already he thought he was going to crumble, with the feeling of the ugliest truth passing his lips, spat out into the air like the embers from the fire his eyes were following. Turned out wasn't as stable in the head as he thought he was, or hoped to be, what a shocker there. But again, he insistently reminded himself, he needed to finish this no matter what, for himself, for them. It took all the stability he could muster.

He started talking again, thankfully with a clearer voice, “So now you know and everything. That’s why I have to leave.” 

Tears pricked at the edges of Cameron’s eyes, and he brushed them away, made himself believe it was from staring at the fire for too long. It was a blatant lie, he knew that, but he also knew this was a time where lies like that seemed like the only thing that could help him survive this. He drew a shallow breath.

“It’s fine, I can sleep outside tonight. Stay away when we get home, you know. You won’t have to be around me.”

As he got out the last word, Cameron’s head hung down a little lower. He felt a sickly spike in his stomach. So that was it.

Cameron, in letting the rest of his words hang in the air, then had a shaking realization that he felt like he was shrinking within himself. Like deep inside he wanted to become so small that the world couldn’t see him anymore. Least of all them. He almost couldn’t process how sad that was yet. Before, whenever he felt like becoming invisible to the world, it had never included them. Not really. They were the only ones in his life anymore who ever really bothered to see him, wanting to disappear before them would be like an insult to that. He never said “thank you” enough to them for that, and all of what they did. Before, Cameron thought that being deliberately cared about wasn’t a guarantee in life at all times, but they nearly made him feel like it was. 

But it was past late for “thank you”s, and would be for . . . ever, it dawned on him. His breath hitched at the thought.

When he took his final glance at them, Cameron saw that Sloane and Ferris had turned to look at each other, and then he couldn’t bear to see them any longer and whipped his head away just as quickly. They were obviously trying to parse the huge mess of a confession Cameron had generously bestowed upon them, so he just decided to wait for the awkward apologies, the mumbling excuses, and the _that’s great for you Cameron, but we’re sorry, we can’t feel comfortable with this anymore_ or something of that ilk.

There was one other thing Cameron was sure of besides that, what was maybe the tiniest sliver of optimism within this cat’s cradle of a nightmare. That they could keep his secret. Ferris and Sloane would leave, but not in bad faith. They weren’t like that. He would become the startling end to what was thought to be a long-lasting friendship, and they would carry that wherever they went, but most importantly it would stay with them alone. Because they knew all the hurt secrets like those could do in a world like they were living in, and potentially hurting a person that much was never on their agenda. Especially not Cameron, knowing them. And shit, he was glad just to be a footnote for them from now on. If no one else on this godforsaken planet, he could trust them with that.

As Cameron thought this over, he took in the quiet that was coming from them, and imagined they were probably having the eyebrow conversation of their lives. He also imagined himself handling the aftermath of all this, hauling his bedding out in front of the fire and watching it fizzle out before him, left with the charred remnants of wood and ash, embers scattered like flakes of gold all throughout. He imagined feeling the cold, dense heaviness in him that would surely stay after all this was through, wondering if the day would come soon where he could feel any sort of lightness again. But until then, letting his eyelids fall shut and going to the one place his troubles never seemed to follow.

His head jerked as he heard Ferris and Sloane shift and stand up from where they were sitting away from him.

So they were leaving. No last words exchanged and no sentiments at all, just a wordless trip back to the tent. Good. That was good, that was fine, in fact. They could leave if they wanted to, maybe this was the best way out for all of them. No words, so no extra pain. Just a silent acknowledgement of what needed to be done. Cameron could deal with that. He could live with that being how things ended, he really could.

And then, when he heard their footsteps coming over _towards him_ , an anxious feeling rose steadily in his chest, soaring to its full height when they sat down on either side of him. 

He could hear their breath now. He could feel their eyes on him. The campfire made a much more noticeable crackling sound.

They each took one of Cameron’s hands, Ferris on his right, Sloane on his left, and weaved their fingers between his. They pressed their palms together and clutched to him.

The surprise was almost unbearable.


	2. Lying Together in a Tent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally!!!! the chapter where cameron kisses ferris and sloane and then cries about it and also a bunch of stuff happens before that!! anyway writing this has been a wild ride and fulfilling process, hope you enjoy the conclusion!

Cameron jolted like he never thought he’d jolted in his life, ever. His skin was absolutely flushed with the awe of what they had chosen to do, it was a response he wouldn’t even consider if he was given a hundred years of guessing time. Fuck it, a millennia of guessing time. Yeah, an entire millennia, he decided. And the most obscure words he could think of couldn’t begin to describe his kind of confusion. How exactly was he meant to interpret this? What was the thought process here? Why, when he whipped his head back and forth between them, could he not quite place the type of expressions on their faces? If he was going to get into specifics, then they looked like they were waiting to tell him something; a sort of doleful, patient assurance directed his way as they might’ve been thinking of how to put it in words. Their reactions had been so out of his radar that he was lucky he could comprehend them at all.

Their fingers shifted against his, and he could hardly believe what he was feeling either. How their touches stayed firm like no one else’s had. And the feel of their hands instantly reminded him of the last time he’d ever held hands with someone. 

He and Sloane, at that German parade. 

In the midst of his shock, he clung to the memory to keep him grounded, maybe it would help him make sense of this. That time and this one had been weirdly similar.

At first he didn’t know why it had felt so significant, he’d grown used to the casual touches they both gave him; the brief arm around the shoulders, the quick pat on the hand, even the rare kiss on the cheek from Sloane, which made him blush at first until he grew to realize it couldn’t really mean what he always wished it meant. But the hand-holding with Sloane seemed to last ages. When was the last time anyone had held his hand for that long anyway? 

The wild thing was, it was Cameron who had reached for Sloane first. Cameron’s fingers that were twitching and drawing over to her hand, brushing lightly against it, and before he could ask himself what in God’s name he thought he was doing Sloane had made the leap to intertwine their hands. He’d jumped his gaze over to her, immediately startled, and she simply looked back with that relaxed smile of hers, as if this was just something they did together. Something they were used to, even. Well, actually, he thought for a second that she could’ve looked a little bit giddy behind that calm demeanor, but that was too much for him to fathom. He probably just _wanted_ to think she was giddy. So he decided to play it cool too, not mention it and just start talking, like they always did.

He swore his palms had been sweating like mad back then, and he’d wondered if that bothered her, wondered why she had let him reach for her hand in the first place, wondered what had possibly possessed him to do that and why she had his hand in her own _now_ when he had just told them-

Goddammit, he knew what they were doing.

“Don’t, don’t,” Cameron shook his head and murmured in protest. Then, he wrung their hands out of his grasp and sighed, so deeply it felt like his lungs were practically shriveling into raisins.  
“I do _not_ want your pity,” he told them, louder and more firmly than before. 

He heard Ferris make an irritated noise beside him, and felt him lock his fingers with Cameron’s once more. Sloane slipped her fingers between his soon after, but was noticeably more gentle. 

Ferris started to speak, “Cameron-”

“What? What do you want from me?” Cameron snapped, and turned frantically to face the both of them again. This time, Ferris’ face was marked with some kind of combination of worry and determination, while Sloane looked very empathetic, and so sorrowful it almost broke his heart. None of what they were doing made sense. Even they weren’t supposed to stay after hearing something like that.

“Have you considered the idea that maybe we aren’t pitying you?” Ferris asked him with a certain sharpness in his voice, a sharpness that was keen on getting to the heart of things.

“I already told you and you aren’t getting the hell away from here, so what else would you be doing?” Cameron spat.

Sloane whispered hoarsely, “Cam,” and placed her free hand on Cameron’s arm, which grabbed his attention immediately. Her hand tightened - it didn’t feel like it was going to move away anytime soon. She felt so present it would’ve been touching, if not for practically everything else that was going on inside him.

Sloane opened her mouth but nothing came out, and she looked incredibly hesitant, until she and Ferris looked at each other across from Cameron. Then, Cameron saw them both nodding slightly, and he felt more lost amidst it all than ever.

“Cam,” Sloane said again, with much more resoluteness this time. “Ferris and I want you to know . . . that- we have something to tell you too.”

Upon hearing that, it felt like the heat of the fire that was fanning Cameron’s face had creeped into his mouth to dry up all of his spit. If she was saying what he suspected she was saying . . . then . . .what . . .

“We -” Sloane began to say, interrupting his thoughts, but her own voice cut her off. Cameron would wait for her of course, he always would, anything she thought was important to say was doubly important to him. Even if all of this didn’t feel particularly grounded in reality.

Sloane paused, looked toward the ground a brief moment, then closed her eyes and gathered some breath within her.

She opened her eyes. They landed directly on Cameron’s. He felt his heart jolt this time instead of his body.

“We like you too, Cam. Yeah, in the way you like us. And I -- I know that’s a lot to take in right now but please, just know that you’re not alone in this, okay?”

In hearing that, Cameron finally felt impact. 

The pure adrenaline rush that came with them grabbing for his hands felt like a funny little tingle compared to this one reality-warping statement. It was an explosive dizziness that began to fill all of his senses and had him sputtering and talking as if he’d never finished a sentence in his life: “Wh- What the fu- hu-”. It was the hardest thing in the world to even _pretend_ to be coherent when it felt like some madman had injected vengeful fireworks into your veins. All too suddenly, their touches and their looks took on an entirely (in _every_ sense of the word) new meaning. It was finally love, _love_ , he understood, longing, for _him_ , of all the people they knew. It was all so unreal, much of it for obvious reasons, but the thing that stuck out most in his mind, practically pierced his skull, was that if there was anyone they had to be both totally smitten with, it ended up being _him_. And after everything too. Even though he’d dreamed about it for too long, he still wondered how one person could actually handle so much affection like that. And coming from _them_? It was almost unheard of. But here he was, stuck with hearing it.

And yes, he was sure enough to use a word like “smitten” because he could recognize it in them now, from the moment they touched his skin, the hope in their eyes that he wouldn’t crack up on them and make them miss their chance for this to turn into _anything_. No wonder he couldn’t quite see it before, couldn’t tell what that was.

Hell, he _felt_ it even more from them now, because when he started stuttering breathlessly after Sloane finally laid the truth out for him, she affirmed her grip on his arm and Ferris’ free hand met his wrist. Cameron knew they must’ve been acting on instinct, because if they’d _really_ been thinking they probably would’ve reminded themselves that that could send him spiraling further into total insanity. It was paired with quick reassurances, “Hey, hey, Cam, it’s alright,” Ferris said. “No, it’s going to be okay,” Sloane said. The little stuff. But at the same time, Cameron had to admit it had a bit of an effect on him. The fact that they were physically trying to stable him did make it all feel more secure, in a way. At the least it was a comforting gesture. Somewhat. But also, at the same time, what the _hell_ was going on?

As he tried to sort it out for himself in his head, Cameron found himself wishing in a kind of desperation that things had gone the way he actually suspected it would go. It would’ve been -- no, it wouldn’t have been easy. All he had to think of was the horrible denseness he was feeling inside when he thought they would walk straight into the tent and straight out of his life. He was kidding himself, it wouldn’t have been easy. It would’ve been simple. 

At least he would know what to do next if they left him. At least he would know . . . know even a little bit how to feel. But now, the more they clung to him, the more stranded he felt. He couldn’t help it, what do you do when north becomes south, when the whole friggin’ compass flips over, and when your friends _reciprocate_ all those crazy feelings you packed into yourself for the longest time?

Alright. So he was lost. So then all there was to do now was shake himself awake, take this piece by piece, a part of it at a time, fucking talk to the people who were gripping him like he was dangling off a cliff and see what to make out of this . . . this brand new reality. That was the only way in the end, really.

He looked between them again, and saw that they’d fallen into a bit more of a solemness as they waited for him to be ready to form actual words again, although that worry and that -- hope was still plain on their faces. Cameron decided to start with the other thing he was trying to get right in his head, definitely one of the most prominent things of this whole situation.

“So - okay, okay, let me just . . . let me process this or - whatever . . .” Cameron half-mumbled. “So if what you’re saying -- if you two both have the same feelings for me, then . . .”

He turned toward Ferris.

“Ferris . . . that would mean you’re like _me_. In the . . . jesus, I don’t have to spell it out, you know what way.”

Ferris cracked a smile at him and nodded slowly, “Am so. And just in the nick of time.”

Cameron sort of twitched and started blinking harder at that. “I didn’t think-”

“Oh, believe me, I didn’t think either. It just about took you pretending to drown to give way to that kind of realization. Remember that one time, Cam?” His smile turned into more of a smirk.

Cameron went right back to blushing again. Oh, that one time. That one time where a huge part of it was motivated by --- well, he was sort of desperate back then, but he didn’t at all expect for Ferris to-

“And that one’s on me because of how painfully, I mean _really_ painfully, obvious it all was once I got to thinking about it. Christ sake, a life or death situation to realize I might not be as straight as I thought. I expected a _bit_ better of myself, you know? Of course, Sloane did help me through a lot of it once we actually started talking about it.”

Ferris’ eyes practically shined as he looked past Cameron over at Sloane, who cocked her head a bit to get a better look back at him. Her eyebrows pushed together more and her smile widened just a bit, Cameron noticed. They held their stare for a few seconds before Ferris turned back to face him. 

“She does have more experience with this kind of stuff,” he told Cameron.

_Wait._

Cameron jerkily turned to face Sloane again as fast as he possibly could, so wide-eyed and in astonishment he was afraid for a few seconds he would freak her out. But she just sat there, seemingly unperturbed, as her smile started to grow.

“ _You too?!_ ” was all that Cameron could manage to say to her.

Sloane let out a chuckle that had a touch of nervousness to it, and raised her hand. “Guilty!” she joked, and laughed under her breath some more before looking downward, eyes half-lidded and reflective, as she fiddled with the hem of her jacket. 

“I knew it earlier than you two did. So yes, I did have more experience with it, and I thought that I’d pretty much accepted it in myself by then but - I don’t think I actually _fully_ did until I talked with Ferris about it. It was sort of . . . healing, y’know?”

Sloane softly smiled to herself for a moment, and then, as if she was snapped awake, she quickly turned toward Cameron again and clasped her hand over their still intertwined ones. Cameron felt himself jump slightly and blush some more.

“And we could do that for you too, Cam. Just say the word and we’ll talk about anything you want to know, for as long as you need to, really. I mean, you deserve to hear it all after being - thrown into all of this, I guess. But for now . . . for now you can take a moment - or several - to get used to it, because first things first we do want to know if you want to actually . . . to go through with this.”

Oh, God, she mentioned the idea of _going through with it_. Cameron wasn’t even remotely ready to consider any of that, he was still in the middle of the whiplash from the previous _information_ he was made privy to. He couldn’t even find the will to blink. So both of them knew what it was like then? What he was put through? Really? _Really?_  
“But wait, that’s . . .” Cameron started shaking his head and looking away, toward the ground, where he absentmindedly took note of the light of the fire that jumped across it. He felt Sloane squeeze his hand, even though it was sweating.  
“You’re both . . . how is that possible?”

“Who knows? And even if it isn’t, it doesn’t really matter. Doing what’s “impossible” is sort of our thing anyway, Cam, babe. So nothing really changes here.”  
That was Ferris talking, and with a chill Cameron realized that “babe” certainly had a new context in this situation. And Ferris sure as hell looked like he was thinking that too, because when Cameron turned back to look at him his grin was cocked and his eyebrows were raised and he looked like the most knowing son of a bitch in the world. Even more so than usual. Cameron’s eyes wanted to roll on instinct, but they were too frozen in the completely jarring newness of the situation he found himself in. Then, Ferris’ face softened upon looking at Cameron more attentively, like he could tell this called for a bit more compassion that he was all too ready to give. When Cameron noticed this, it finally felt like the heat on his cheeks wanted to challenge the fire’s.

“What, did you think you were the only one in town or something?” Ferris asked gently, but with a hint of good humor still lingering in his voice.  
It was a question Cameron never really expected to answer, in fact the thought hadn’t crossed his mind too much as to whether or not there were people going through the same thing. Especially not the only two people he’d ever stayed friends with. It was so isolating to feel all of that in the first place, could he really be blamed if at some point he thought it was just him? And even at the few times when he did think, maybe, just maybe there are other people out there who’re feeling all of this, how the hell would he go about trying to find them? It wasn’t one of those things he could just bring up in conversation.

“I kind of had to assume,” Cameron replied, after a moment’s hesitation.

Ferris nodded, looking up at Cameron with wide, patient eyes and taking in what he’d just said with all the respect Cameron was afraid he’d go the rest of his life without. 

“Don’t worry, I get that,” he said. “But you gotta believe us when we say we feel the same, we wouldn’t just lie about such a big part of ourselves.”

At that, Cameron had to look back at the ground while trying to gather himself again, because doing that while looking at either of them wasn’t going to happen. He tried easing his hands out of their hold and they let him go this time, so he rested his elbows on his knees as he supported his head with them, breathing out shakily. He glanced at both of their empty hands, and nearly expected there to be scorch marks on their palms from the way his skin was burning up now.

It went without saying that he still didn’t know what to think of this. It was all too much and too fast at once. How long had it been since he thought they would leave him, three minutes or something? And having to take all that in so suddenly seemed like a superhuman task, but Cameron was managing it best he could considering everything that factored into this. But he kept being distracted. By his rushing pulse, remembering the various ways Ferris and Sloane had stared at him, and wondering what he felt more at the moment - a fully realized adoration or a fully realized confusion. And then hearing Sloane start talking again brought him out of his reflections.

“You know, Cameron, for a bit there I felt like the only one too,” she said, and Cameron unmistakably knew what she was referring to. “Then when I started hanging around you guys more and saw how you acted around each other, I went, ‘Well, guess I might have to retract my statement then.’,” 

She laughed, but all Cameron could focus on was the implications of what she told him. Seemed like the more he learned about this the more taken aback he was going to get.

“Wait. You could see that? You _knew_?” Cameron asked her, sounding rife with disbelief.

She suddenly looked a little panicked.

“Hey, it’s not like I knew how to tell you!” Sloane defended. “I thought about it, but I didn’t really know if you were _aware_ of it or not and I was afraid of freaking you out, so I kept it to myself. And then on our last skip day Ferris had this whole, like, silent realization that he liked you and I liked you and we started talking about it and it kinda snowballed into this whole thing and -- well, here we are.” Sloane spread her arms out, gesturing vaguely between the campground and the sky, and then let her arms fall into her lap.

And in hearing that, Cameron thought he was finally starting to fully piece together what was happening, until Ferris clapped a hand on his shoulder and scattered his meticulously gathered thoughts.

“Before you started sharing, we were gonna confess to you in about five minutes.” Ferris told him. He shook Cameron’s shoulder and half-laughed. “Five-fucking-minutes, did you know that?”

Cameron didn’t know that, but he thought he knew something else now. Saw the picture finally spread out in its fullness before him, a little agitated that he hadn’t put it all together before. Especially when he knew who he was dealing with here.

He turned to Ferris, staring straight into his deep, dark eyes. “This is what this whole trip was for, wasn’t it? You two planned this.” Cameron said, his voice slow and almost accusatory. He turned to Sloane.

Her lip was quirked up, and she looked somewhat relieved having heard Cameron say that. “Now you’ve got it,” went Sloane.

“But you know,” Ferris continued. “even if everything you just said had been a total surprise for us and we didn’t end up returning your feelings, we wouldn’t have been _offended_ or anything. What, you really thought we would leave you? Let you sleep out in the cold? Let you deal with your parents alone?”

“He didn’t _know_ , Ferris.” Sloane intervened. She looked oddly stern about it too.

“Alright, alright, that last part was unfair of me, I’ll admit.” Ferris held his hands up to show his admittance. “I’m sorry. Just felt you should know now that we’d never, Cam.”

Cameron’s attention was back at Ferris, who appeared to be waiting for some sort of reaction from Cameron, and he went back to Sloane to see if she was similarly anticipating something from him. She was. 

And Cameron, of course, could only think to further express his disbelief. Seemed like all he was capable of anymore. 

“This is - _God_ ,” Cameron gasped, with his hand coursing through his hair busily and almost frantically.

“I know, I know,” Sloane coaxed, setting her hand back on his arm. He could feel Ferris do the same with his other arm. Sloane continued to speak, “Like I said, we’ll explain everything later. But for now we just want to know one thing from you. Do - do you want this? You know, us, together?” She pointed between all of them, and her eyes were scanning Cameron’s face, almost pained with concern for him.

“And of course, we aren’t pressuring you into anything here,” Ferris put in. “Though, I wouldn’t be lying if I said the idea of us hadn’t taken up most of my brain cells all summer. And I push you into things, it’s always been like that, but at the end of the day? At the end of the day I still want you to be in one piece, believe it or not.” Ferris' eyes brightened at him. “You probably understand the risk of this better than any of us, knowing you. So if you can’t handle this at all, we’ll back off, and this conversation might as well have been one big hallucination to you.” He grinned slightly at Cameron.

As soon as Ferris mentioned that, and let the idea of having an out to all of this soak into him, he started feeling strange inside. Not just strange, sort of - bad about it. Having it real was one thing, but. Having it real and just leaving it behind, just moving on - there was something about that that he didn’t like to think about. And then he started to feel the answer well-up inside of him, and his throat thickened, and Cameron blurted out, “No, I want - I want-”

Cameron stopped, and sighed in a kind of defeat.

“This some sort of elaborate prank?” Cameron muttered, a pathetic last-ditch effort.

Sloane smiled again and looked at him a little sadly. “If it was, it’d just about be the worst prank in history.”

Cameron had to agree with her. He faced Ferris.

“This a dream?”

“I think you can already tell. Still, want me to pinch you?”

“No,” Cameron answered immediately.

Cameron took a pause. And then found himself thinking back to his previous reality. 

What Cameron dreaded most back then was seeing the backs of their heads. It was a sight he was familiar with, although not too often to give ‘em credit, and the only time it really affected him was that time everything became too much in him at the prom, when they went off to dance solo, all romantic. It was sobering. And the minute they turned their heads on him for the last time was to be the most sobering part of his life so far, and it was so solid in his head. But it only existed in his head now.

It was all because Sloane and Ferris were an expressive pair. And at the times when he was strong enough to admit it, too pretty for their own damn good. One look at either of them and something would stir in his chest and his back would stiffen, no matter how pissed he was at them. Cameron didn’t want to mention it before, because it would totally unravel him in the middle of confession, but seeing their faces like that for certainly the last time would feel like someone pulling the plug on the sun itself. Not that he ever thought of himself as a dramatic, but fuck, didn’t he have the right every once in a while? Especially now?

But then again, now, now it was all reversed. They were looking at him like THEY were afraid the sun would wink out at any moment, and it was impossible for him to think of himself like that, because what he already did-- he couldn’t exactly get over, what it was at the beginning. He was going to . . . well . . . and yet now, in this new world he found himself in, they were saying everything short of _I love y-_

Cameron shuddered. And then a spark went off in him, and he found his words.

“Listen,” he said to them. He gently shrugged off their hands, and they went along with it. He still couldn’t quite look at them again.

“Listen, listen I’ve gotta - I’ve gotta tell you two something now, because it’s going to be harder to talk to you if I don’t. And I do want to talk, I do, but there’s this thing, and --it’s not something you can just brush off, see, because it’s -- when I ---”

Cameron’s voice got dangerously croakier, and he was trying to get it all out as fast as he could, but he froze in his tracks. His voice muffled out. And then, at the precipice of frustration and fear, Cameron sank down again. His back sank, his face sank into his hands. Almost in a spasm of speech, Cameron finally said it.

“I was going to give you _up_.”

He put his hands down, looked between both of them. He had to, but only for a second apiece. And unfortunately, yet again they looked like they knew what was coming. Cameron started rubbing his arms and trying to get a hold of his fluttering breath.

“It was going to be like that. I was just going to give you up, because honestly, honestly, what else could I have given you, being the person that I am? I thought it was going to be fine in the end, I really did. Bracing myself and shit, trying to face reality. And then you started touching me, and looking at me all sweet and stuff, and I didn’t expect any of that kind of crap, and then you were confessing and I-- fuck, wow-,”

His voice broke off and he swallowed, gasped for air.

“I was going to _give you up_. You’re so much to me and I was just going to . . .”

Finally, sobbing. Just a taste of it, as once more his face found its way into his hands, fingers clenching and unclenching. Small hiccups shook his chest, and his skin trembled slightly. _This is it, this is really it isn’t it_ , Cameron thought to himself, as soon as it all started.

“Oh, fuck, Cameron,” Sloane quickly whispered under her breath, as her hands came to cling to his arm and shoulder. Ferris didn’t say a word, at first. Just slowly and easily put his arm against Cameron’s back, patting it slightly. He was caught up in his feelings enough that Cameron barely noticed that he didn’t flinch when they held onto him now. When he did, he knew it meant something, that he realized. But he wasn't at all in a state to decide exactly what it was.

“We were five minutes too late, eh, Cam?” said Ferris, after the rustling of the leaves and the gentle whistling of the wind had put their words in.

Cameron’s soft sniffing and crying slowed to a silent stop after he heard that. A few seconds later the hands came down, and right away he started shakily wiping the sweat and tears off onto his pants. Cameron couldn’t help but stare at Ferris now, eyebrow slightly raised. He knew just from Fer’s voice that he was getting at something here, and with a sort of morbid curiosity Cameron really wanted to know. Through him, he wanted to know how they could come back from any of this, because sadly for him he didn’t have a damn clue. And now Ferris was staring back, a ghost of a smile on his lips. He then looked toward the campfire, at its slowly and surely diminishing flames, and Cameron hadn’t seen his expression so blank in a long, long time. Something was off. Cameron didn’t like it.

And then he said, “Hell with it, we should’ve just done this the first night we got here.”

Instantly he felt Sloane’s hands clench on his arm and shoulder, and then they fell away from him. Likewise did Ferris’ arm on his back. “What are you saying, Ferris?” he heard Sloane ask. 

When Cameron saw her then, Sloane was nearly as tense as she looked when he first told them he was taking leave from their lives. He could almost sense the history he missed out on or whatever this was, and so he, too, felt uneasy for her. 

“Well, I’m saying this could’ve turned out smoother if we just ripped the tension out of the air right away. We all knew it was there. Not suggesting it would’ve been a walk in the park by any means, hell no. But we might’ve saved a few several hours for ourselves if we just went for being direct with something like this.”

He answered her like it was a fact, as he usually did, but it was sort of mixed with a very subtle plea. As though all he wanted her to do was consider this alternate past where they were somehow wiser, and things were somehow better than now, for everyone.

Sloane wasn’t taking it. She had on her no-nonsense face, and Cameron could almost feel the slow rise of frustration in her.

“But we didn’t even know for _sure_ whether he had feelings for us or not,” she began, along with a gesture, talking with her hands almost as much as her mouth did. “What if we trusted our gut and the complete opposite happened? How’d you think Cam would feel then if we told him we drove him miles away from civilization to ask him to be our secret lover? Shit, I mean, that might’ve scared him even if he did have a crush on us.”

In response Ferris’ eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes squinted slightly, and neither Cameron nor Sloane particularly liked that reaction. Albeit, probably in different ways.

And then Ferris said, “I think you’re acting like the guy doesn’t _know_ us,” with an undeniably negative inflection to his voice.

Then there was a sheen to Sloane’s eyes, and surely one of the closest things to actual anger she held at Ferris, and she retaliated with “I _think_ you’re underestimating-”

“ _Ferris. Sloane._ ”

They turned toward him in an instant, equally disoriented by his interrupting. 

Cameron couldn’t have let them go on. Grief or no grief, it was his turn to be frustrated with them. It wasn’t like them to focus on the past like that, but at the same time he couldn’t really blame either of them for it. What was that quote everyone knew about love making a person crazy? Maybe they all went a little insane. Even he wished this could’ve been done in a less painful way. But now was now, and it seemed like everyone needed reminding. 

Still they were startled, and waiting on him, and Cameron looked between them defiantly. 

“Can we all just admit that we have no idea what we’re doing here?” he asked Ferris and Sloane.

He saw their eyes dart between him and each other, their bodies just slightly frozen. 

“I mean,” Cameron continued, “It’s nice you wanted to break the news to me in the easiest way possible, but for God’s sake, can you forgive yourselves? It’s not like there’s a guidebook for this or anything.”

His stare fell toward the fire, his eyelids feeling slightly heavier.

“It’s not like anyone told us this could happen. That we could actually be this way.”

Cameron then shook his head, and spread his hands before him in a sweeping motion.

“But what happened happened, you know that. And I think you know which way forward is. I just didn’t expect myself to remind you, but somehow I’m sort of alright with that too.”

Cameron swallowed, and had a premonition that his voice was gonna falter at this last part, but it had to be said.

“A-At least we’re all here. And we all know.” 

He cleared his throat awkwardly.

As soon as he finished, Ferris and Sloane kept staring at him for a few long beats, almost blankly, and then faced each other.   
They slowly and surely broke into soft smiles, apologetic brows, and Cameron could immediately tell the forgiveness they were easing into. It was only natural, they never could stay mad at each other too long, they never wanted to anyway. Especially over something petty like this, he guessed. He felt it wouldn’t be hard for them to accept the truth of Cameron’s words, they really just needed a shove like that and they knew it, like when you bring someone out of their dream and back into reality. In their case, it might've been a bit of a nightmare instead.  
They didn’t reach out to one another in apology, all they really had to do was gaze. It was kind of incredible to Cameron, how they were so close by now that just one look was about as intimate as hugging and kissing and making up could’ve been. Not that they were adverse to those things, not by a longshot obviously. But they didn’t need it to feel completely in love, and on each other's side again. Then, so suddenly it nearly shocked him, they turned toward Cameron and they weren’t so blank anymore.

Sloane looked at him with an awe that he didn’t quite feel he deserved, and with just a trace of the previous smile she held. By contrast, Ferris was absolutely beaming. There were stars in his eyes, but they didn’t look like the ones above him. Their faces were a harsh reminder that he was still sorta the focus of the whole event, attention that he still didn’t know how to receive, even though he’d loosened up considerably to the idea of the three of them through the ordeal.

And then Ferris was the one to speak first. “You wanna know what I think, Cam?”

Cameron only nodded in response.

“I think I’m alright with that too.” His eyes were creased with joy.

When Cameron then looked to Sloane, her gaze was straight back at Ferris, and from the side she seemed nearly as content as she did throughout the daylight hours. When she turned back to Cameron, it quickly became a different story. Her smile was beginning to form again, and the expression on her face could only be described as pure hope, with all of the worry it previously carried somehow dripped off.

“Me too,” she said in a reverent whisper.

Something burned in the pit of Cameron’s stomach, and for once it seemed almost good.

It stopped when Sloane looked down and her expression faded, and Cameron couldn’t breathe, suddenly afraid something worse was going to come along and ruin the pinnacle of whatever they had here, because for the first time ever he was as close as he had gotten to being okay with it all. 

But this was what Sloane said.

“You’re right though, Cameron. It’s a shame.” She sighed. “Nobody wrote us a guidebook,”.

She said that last part with a resigned shrug, and afterwards Cameron could do nothing but stare at her for a short while with his breath still caught in his throat. And then he snorted.

The snort turned into a giggle, soft but bursting from his throat as the seconds passed, and then it sounded like a chuckle, and after a bit of that all of a sudden Cameron couldn’t help himself anymore. He opened his mouth wide, yapping like a deranged coyote, and to top the whole thing off he was doubled over and clutching his throbbing chest. He hadn’t laughed so hard in years. And he didn’t consider that fact that he was _actually_ going insane this time, though to be fair he came close. But there was such genuine _joy_ in the laughter, he could practically feel its genuineness as it ruptured his stomach. Hell, it almost felt healthy, in a way. Like he was airing something out that he’d been stalling on for a long time. And it wasn’t like what Sloane said was particularly funny, he couldn’t even tell if she was joking or serious or a bit of both when she said it. But it was absurd in a way that was perfectly fitting for the situation to Cameron, and then the surreality of it crashed upon him and now he was holding it all off with his laughter.   
He only managed to get a sentence in the middle of it, when he observed in a high pitched voice, “Yeah, nobody did, did they?” before breaking into a deep wheeze. 

Ferris and Sloane were, of course, a little freaked out. At first. Soon enough, he could hear climbing laughter on either side of him, which grew and grew ‘til they were just about as crazed as he was, all leaning into each other and clutching whoever’s sleeve they could find, and then they were just a big rumbling pile of hysterics. Ferris was chortling and Sloane was cackling. Cameron was doing both at the same time. They must’ve scared away every animal in a fifty-foot radius. 

Maybe they needed to be hysterical after all. It did somehow end up reminding them that they were still themselves.

Eventually they got out of the stratosphere and back down to the campground, less laughing and more sighing, but they still couldn’t bring down the grins that stretched over their faces.

“Well, we got one thing down,” Sloane said as she wiped her eyes and leaned her elbow on Cameron’s shoulder. “Definitely nobody wrote us a guidebook.”

A chorus of tired chuckles rang out between them at that, until Ferris leaned away and in a grand voice declared, “Then fuck it! Why don’t we write our own guidebook?”

“Right now?” Cameron asked, half-jokingly.

“Yeah, why not?” said Sloane, who was catching on to what Ferris was putting down, it seemed, with a steady, knowing incline of her voice.

“First thing,” Ferris continued. “If three people should happen to have the hots for each other - or _become entangled in a romantic engagement_ , we’ll figure out the style of this later - they should be the kind of people who always end up in the same place when it comes down to it. Y’know, the kind that can’t help being together. A team who thinks it’s beyond worth fighting to keep it that way.”  
“Sounds suspiciously like us,” Sloane commented, with a smirk. She was lingering on Cameron’s shoulder, it was all too noticeable to him now.

“Then we’re on the right track,” Ferris pointed out. “Now for the second thing: first contact.”  
His gaze swooped up to Cameron. “Can’t write it now, though. I think we’re still researching that.”

Ferris, he had to admit, was smooth there, and Cameron of course silently cursed him for it. 

Like a roaring rush of water, there was a heat wave that spanned Cameron’s skin when Ferris mentioned that. The realization of what was going to happen next, and though he was too sure it was going to happen he still couldn’t make out the act itself in his head. Not now that they were actually about to do it, ironically. 

“Cameron?” That was Sloane. She eased off his shoulder now. “How do you want to take this?” she asked earnestly.

He let out a sigh that was actually somewhat calming for once. He reminded himself how they all felt, what they all wanted, and what their breath sounded like next to him. It was hard to convince himself it was real all along. But he was going to try, like he promised himself. 

He closed his eyes and felt around for their hands, and they moved under his soon enough. He lightly wrapped his fingers around them.

“Let’s take this one step at a time,” Cameron concluded, softly but surely. He didn’t have to see them to understand they knew what he meant. They let a few moments pass between them. 

In the last moment Cameron suspected someone was stalling. His eyes cracked open. Right. Right. It was him.

As he stared out into the distance he thought of them, equally handsome, equally charming, and though the time difference was vast, he was equally tied to them both.

“I just figured out the downside to this,” he mumbled half-heartedly. He thought he heard Sloane trying to stuff a giggle down her throat, determined to keep the moment more serious. Ferris, however, wasted no time.

“That depends,” he said. 

“On what?” said Cameron.

“On who you were in love with first.”

Oh, so Ferris decided it should be chosen that way. It was fine enough with Cameron, it wasn’t like he had any ideas. But the more he thought about it the more unsure he got. It was more complicated than he remembered.  
“Well, I guess I was always kind of in love with you-”

“Hey, I get it, but pal that’s not what I mean. Who did you first _know_ you were in love with?”

This surprised Cameron, so it made him choke a bit too. He suspected Ferris to be the first one clamoring for a kiss, considering how long they waited and considering the fact he usually ended up bringing his desires into the material world, but that wasn’t the case with this. Ferris definitely had a clear idea of how it should go, and apparently it guided him here. He was looking at Cameron expectantly. 

“It was Sloane,” he finally admitted.

Ferris’ eyelids lowered slightly and he gave Cameron a satisfied smile. “Well then?” he asked.

Cameron didn’t know how to respond to that so he stuttered uselessly for a second before he heard something else behind him.

It was Sloane saying, “When did you know you loved me?”

The way his heart reacted it was like something had pricked it with a needle. A nervous shiver ran through him before he could face her. The first thing he saw was the orange firelight that gleamed over her eyes and painted the side of her head. He blinked a few times and then he could see Sloane herself more clearly. After it recovered from the shock his foolish heart beat three times more loudly in his ears. He knew Sloane wasn’t sad, but she looked on the verge of tears anyway. Or on the verge of something else. But most of all he knew she pined for what he was about to say, so he just decided to come out and tell her as soon as he was able. 

“Uh, pretty much after we first met. By the time we were done talking I knew you were the kind of girl I wanted to date. Well, that, but more than that too - I felt weirdly connected to you. Guess I fell more in love when you and Fer started dating and we had an excuse to hang out together, hah. But I never thought that I could be sitting-”

He didn’t get a chance to finish that stumbling thought. Sloane’s arms surprised him. Suddenly they were on his back and pulling him in to her, and then their torsos were crushed together and her head firmly met with his shoulder, the side of it leaning into his temple. Her long, soft, windswept hair was right against his nose so he couldn’t help breathing her in, and it was enough to make him dizzy. The whole thing could’ve been enough to make him dizzy ‘til he fainted, but he adamantly clung to his composure still. But that didn’t change the fact that it was Sloane, holding onto him like he was going to drift away any moment, breathing shakily into his ear. He clung back, almost as tightly as she did, eyes still wide as ever. 

“I didn’t know,” she said in a whisper. 

“That’s fair,” Cameron responded, his voice cracking. “I mean, I never told you.”

She laughed softly and he could feel it on his neck, and something in his chest spun out of control. Was it his heart again? Maybe. Probably. He was too foggy to care about specifics like that, even though he knew from somewhere in his head it was all going to lead to this. 

Cameron savoured the virtue of knowing you could linger on someone, until Sloane pulled back, and they got a better look at each other. Her eyebrows were pushed up high together and she was smiling so hard he wondered if he was coming back from some war, ‘cause this was practically the most glad he’d ever seen her. And then, oh god, in a way there was some truth to that. He was fighting with himself every night over the image of her, the brilliance and beauty and light he had the privilege of knowing personally, and knowing himself personally meant it was wrong to even consider anything more with her. How twisted would it be to imagine a guy like him with an amazing girl, a girl who was as much in love with her boyfriend as he was.

But they were with each other, and somehow this time he didn’t feel quite as much shame as he did in his head. And this time Sloane knew how he felt about that. And this time Sloane was reaching out to touch his cheek. 

Her fingers were cold, from being out here so long in the dark he guessed, but still the touch brought up such warmth within himself. 

“Sloane.” He said. Goddamn, he was locked into it now.

“Cameron,” she said. He wanted to believe she said it likewise in the way he did, but he still didn’t know whether he’d be kidding himself on that. Doubt still stirred, and it was taking its final punches even as she was grinning inches from his face and her thumb was caressing him so sweetly. He was going to have to get used to that kind of sweetness being directed at him.

“Do you remember the first time I asked you to walk me home from school?,”

“Of course.” He’d been keeping that day around him for a while now.

“I don’t know if you noticed that I-”

“I probably didn’t.”

“You probably didn’t,” Sloane agreed easily. “But I was so excited to get to talk to you alone again that day. And wanna know why?”

“Uh-huh,” Cameron barely replied. His blood was pumping so fast by now he couldn’t say much else.

“When I got to hanging around you and Ferris, I realized how much I missed you. From that one time we chatted in the hall. God, and so much too, I wanted to tell you but I also didn’t want to sound particularly insane. Almost couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it sooner.”

And then Sloane’s demeanor drooped slightly, and reflectively she looked to the side.

“I’m sorry. That I didn’t.”

Cameron didn’t even know how to accept that apology when she’d just given him some of the best news of his life.

“It’s okay, uh -- you _missed_ me?” Cameron asked her, entirely bewildered and entirely delighted. He took on a trembling smile. Nearly every part of him was trembling now.

Of course her eyes were back on him now, more beautiful than he’d ever seen before. She nodded enthusiastically and said, “Yeah, I - that so hard to believe? You’re . . .”

She trailed off, and studied his features a few moments, and then Cameron felt a rising sense of panic because she looked so vulnerable, which made him feel vulnerable, and it felt like something was coming at him at top speed on the highway but at the same time he felt so nice and warm inside and he didn’t know which to focus on more. And then Sloane spoke.

“Cam.” She said it quietly, but certainly. She shook her head a little, as if in disbelief, and flashed a smile for a few nervous seconds. “You want . . . ?”

She couldn’t say anything else, so focused on him, and there was too much love on her face. He couldn’t keep track of it all. Cameron nodded, his throat feeling thick. Sloane shifted a bit where she was sitting and his head bobbed down, uneasily trying to lean toward her. He put his hands on her shoulders and she placed her free hand on his other cheek, so she was holding his face completely now. God, and she was moving closer. She stopped when she got a better look at him, a little unsure, but Cameron nodded her along, reassuring her that he wanted to do this. And he did. That wasn’t the problem though. It was more of a moral dilemma for him now. He was more aware of himself, who he was, than ever. Was this even right? Even though she agreed, was he still supposed to be doing it? Could it ever work out like this? What was-

And then her face was so close to him, and he could barely see her lips anymore, and he reminded himself what was going to happen only a second before it actually did.

And oh my God.

Sloane’s mouth was so soft, slightly chapped, and more than that, with the single kiss it felt like he was practically drinking in her gentleness, her fondness, he could feel it all. It swirled into him in such a way that made the kiss feel years longer than it actually was. And, well, if there was anything for Cameron to get lost in it was always a new feeling, a totally new feeling, a _good_ feeling, a feeling that was --- god . . . _god_ he loved her _so much!_ He didn’t think he knew, really knew, how much until that moment. 

That was his last thought when they pulled away. Just then almost all feelings of doubt shriveled. There was still that strained confusion lying around somewhere in him that still tried to persist, but thankfully he couldn’t say it wasn’t dulling down the closer he got to knowing Sloane’s affections. It _was_ his first kiss so maybe he was looking at things a little rosily, but at the same time he knew what Sloane was like when she was insincere toward someone. She’d never been insincere to him so far, not when she wasn’t totally clear he was teasing him. And it looked like she sure as hell wasn’t going to start now. That alone was incredible to him. It was real now.

He must’ve looked pretty awestruck because it seemed like Sloane didn’t know whether to be concerned or relieved, and then Cameron broke his trance with a lone, dazed laugh, and let the corners of his mouth be lifted up slowly, into a small, astonished smile, his mouth hanging just slightly open. That was enough for Sloane to finally break into relief, and after she closed her eyes and sighed, laughter bubbled out of her like fizz from a soda. That set Cameron off chuckling again for a little while, and in reaching for each other again they ended up holding on to each other’s forearms, Sloane squeezing them and Cameron squeezing back. In a way they’d gotten back into the rhythm of how they usually were with each other, but with that stupefying touch of difference that made everything a million times more exciting and joyful. If this was romance then he was going to become an addict soon enough.

Sloane shook her head again and then told Cameron, “Finally,” Then, “Finally, finally. Jesus, I feel like I’ve been _waiting-_ ”

She broke it off with an astonished scoffing noise, and then looked up at Cameron with that same sweet astonishment. It might’ve even empowered something in him, because seeing her like that brought a surprising new eagerness in him that he felt he had to act on right then, it was the same feeling brought about when he stared down the hood of that revving scarlet ferrari. Except that moment had been painful. This was the near opposite of that.

“Well - then - why are we still waiting?” Cameron stammered out. And then continued with, “Sloane, that was-” but choked on his joy at the last second, unable to remember how exactly you use your mouth to describe anything. “I can’t even . . . well, you know what that was.” She grinned at him again, with that particular Sloane-like amusement he and Ferris saw in her eyes often before. Wow, had he missed it. “Yeah, I think I could tell.” Now giddiness was practically sewn into her features. They were leaning into each other’s spaces so slowly they barely noticed it, and that special glow Cameron felt was almost like a warning light telling him to do something he was too distracted to realize yet. Then Sloane said, “I don’t even think I have to ask you, do I?” Something was sealing in that moment, and the daunting excitement at that was too palatable for them.

“You don’t,” Cameron answered.

They met together again, warm and wanting, joined with more than one kiss this time. What an event. The feelings that came with that first kiss only multiplied between them. Cameron was brave enough to touch more than just her shoulders, cautiously easing his jittery hands on her waist and back, and as she graciously leaned towards him he relished the experience of getting to hold someone in your arms for the first time, just as wonderful as getting to be held back. He also, finally, knew why people kissed with their eyes closed.

She led him through it, which made him aware and partly embarrassed of how inexperienced he was, but at the same time he was so lost in the sensation of it, and of her, that that was pushed out to the wayside. Every hot breath, every pause, every kiss, every beat of their racing pulses felt like its own tiny _I love you_. And every contented or pleasantly surprised hum she made was a stark reminder of the pure luck he’d fallen into. _Her_ voice, so close to his, that small musical quality to it tickling his ears. God, she was something, and to _have_ something with that something . . . okay, he was getting delirious again. He didn’t even care though.

By the time they pulled back again, they were more cocooned by each other’s arms, and in an odd way it reminded Cameron of all the long moments they spent before, when it was only the two of them, revelling in how simple it was just to _be_. It felt like those moments led them to where they were now.

They settled into a mutual admiration while trying to get a hold of their breath, both panting and flushed. Cameron pushed back some of the hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear without thinking, and before he could pull away she quickly placed her hand over his own and pressed it to her cheek, while she beamed at him gorgeously. She ran her thumb over the back of his hand even more tenderly than he’d done with his cheek, so tenderly he thought he would burst and collapse. Cameron was already being so easily carried away by all of this.

But his focus on that was broken with what Sloane said next, “You know, we really should’ve spent more time with each other before this.”

Cameron had to raise his eyebrows at that. “What, more time? You hung out with me almost as much as you did with Ferris.”

“ _Almost_.” she emphasized, holding up an index finger. “So I still need more time with you.” She placed the hand that was holding up the finger back on his hand. “ _We_ need more time. And some more after that.”

As if totally disarmed by that statement, Cameron could only stare back in wonder, held still by her own gaze.

Ferris gave a wet cough, pulling them out of their shared haze, which Cameron would’ve thought was obnoxious if Sloane’s kissing hadn’t launched his brain halfway to Jupiter.   
“As astoundingly adorable as you two are, I’m feeling a little obligated to remind you who’s been waiting longer to do this,” Ferris told them, his fondness all too apparent.

Sloane broke out into a snorting giggle in looking at Ferris. Cameron looked back at him too, and you couldn’t describe the look on his face as anything but “dreamy”, like he was dead asleep and they were just the nighttime vision he wanted to see. It had Cameron’s intestines tying themselves in knots.

“Right, sorry, sort of forgot about that eight whole years of pining you were doing behind each other’s backs.” Sloane said, and then gently pushed one of Cameron’s shoulders toward Ferris, almost as though she were passing him over.

“Behind our own backs, especially. Right, Cam?”

Ferris curled his fingers around Cameron’s wrist and tugged on it, towards him, in a kind of beckoning gesture as Cameron shifted to face him with his whole body this time.

“Yeah?” Ferris added.

Cameron swallowed in looking across Ferris’ face, knowing what they were both waiting to do. The glow that came from his time with Sloane began to fade as the new challenge began to present itself, replaced with a nerve-wracking blush and hammering heart. Back at square one.

Kissing Sloane was hard in its own right, but he knew from the beginning kissing Ferris would be harder. They were both well aware of the kind of threshold they were crossing after all, and the fact that they’d be crossing it together made it all the more daunting. He wondered if he’d even accept his love for Ferris as quickly as he did with Sloane, from the first kiss. If Ferris was wondering the same thing, he couldn’t tell, and when Cameron didn't give an immediate response (to be honest, Cameron didn’t even know if he could get a _late_ response out of himself yet) he simply just kept his gaze and reached for Cameron’s other wrist.

“Funny thing is,” Ferris began to say again, as if it were the most bewildering thing at the moment. “you’ve been here almost half my life, but somehow all through that you’ve never been right here-” He took one of Cameron’s hands and put it on his own chest. “-or right here.” He took Cameron by the neck and pulled him down to press their foreheads together.

As soon as it happened a sharp gasp tore from Cameron’s throat at the spontaneity of it; already, it seemed, sweating buckets at being so close to him so quickly. The feel of his hair against his own, his hand still adamantly but gently pressing Cameron’s against his chest so he could know the thumping incline in his heart too, and how his eyes were already closed but he could see his lashes fluttering slightly, compared to Cameron’s which were still pried open stiffly in suspense. In fact, that’s how you could describe Cameron’s body at that moment, stiff and stuck, aside from his mouth doing overtime to pull air into his lungs just to keep up with the rapid pace of his blood.

It wasn’t long until Ferris noticed his reaction, just as Cameron predicted, and he pulled from their embrace in response. Only by an inch though, maybe half an inch. Cameron could now tell how well the firelight complimented the rich brownness of his eyes, and unfortunately that just made him freeze up even more. For a second he doubted he would get anywhere with Ferris if this would keep happening. He also, when he got past his own personal shortcomings there, could see some of that same nervous anticipation in Ferris. Cameron was sure he was instinctually trying to hide it, but by now he always knew how to see such things in him. At the same time however, Ferris’ inviting and soft expression did eventually help him ease up the longer they stared at each other, hell of a lot more than he was actually prepared for. His face was so open and honest, and as he spoke to Cameron again his words conveyed the same thing, a unique feeling of safety Cameron only could’ve gotten growing up alongside him.

For once there wasn’t much for Ferris to say. Only, “Just me, Frye. It’s alright.”

And it could be alright, couldn’t it?

“I know that,” Cameron replied, in a shuddering exhale.

Ferris, gratified, pushed his eyebrows together and gave Cameron an adoring half-smile. Then he leaned in a little experimentally. Cameron had felt near to melting when he saw Ferris’ smile, but the lean made him seize up again. Then, almost scolding himself, he again told himself the reason he was huffing in his childhood friend’s face. Cameron leaned in after him.

It was close enough for Ferris. He felt Fer’s hand, still on his neck, slide down until it was resting at his shoulder. Ferris stopped holding Cameron’s palm to his chest and put his other hand on his waist, and something in Cameron told him to knock it away. He didn’t.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around Ferris’ back. They held each other for a beat, as if to signify _this is it_ , and started inching forward again. Cameron’s nerves blared in his head and fought to form a headache as the last stretch of the miniscule journey was being crossed, but then Ferris paused. So Cameron paused too, confused and, if he was being honest with himself, a bit anxious; that scared, irrational part of himself was saying now _Ferris_ was finally going to realize that this would never work out in the end and to try at all would be a lost cause. But the part of him who knew Ferris too well only said, in a low voice, maybe not.

And then, the hand on Cameron’s shoulder all of a sudden decided to cradle his jaw instead, and before he knew it Ferris was pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, just the corner. Cameron’s stomach clenched and he inhaled sharply, involuntarily. He felt a rise of some of that same glow in him, but small, like sunshine peeking through a curtain. Soon after he knew what it was like when his and Ferris’ lips met.

He couldn’t really think of any other way to put it; the way he moved against Cameron’s mouth, it was like love was behind every action. And bold as that statement was Cameron didn’t think he was exaggerating either, he just knew it as soon as it happened, same as when the sweet satisfaction of a dream fulfilled started pooling into him. He was practically encompassed by Ferris’ adoration in that moment, and not knowing what to do with so much of it just made him woozier. But he kept falling into it nonetheless. In the last few seconds of it the hand on Cameron’s jaw moved up to tangle into his hair, and the feeling of it was so nice, and so brief. Ferris pulled off of him and the hand went back to his shoulder.

When Cameron saw Ferris with that heavy blush and lovesick stare, and god, radiating beauty like he couldn’t help it if he tried, he wanted to wonder why there was anything to worry about in the first place. Seeing Ferris’ anxiousness at the beginning, that was something you had to look for. But if Ferris wanted to SHOW you something, he made sure to show it to you in full. That, in the end, is what gave Cameron no other choice but to fully and graciously believe in Ferris’ love, and what eventually drowned out the voice that ages ago used to tell him that he _can’t fucking think that about your guy friend while he’s right there in front of you_ because it didn’t take into account that this would ever happen.

And then Cameron felt the overwhelming urge to say something before Ferris did, take the chance where he couldn’t before when he was too shocked to get a word in to Sloane. He didn’t really have a vague idea of what he would say, however. But if he did, it certainly wouldn’t be the first thing that actually came out of his mouth, which was, in fact, “Holy Moses.”

Cameron couldn’t even remember where he heard the phrase, so the fact that it was his immediate reaction to finally getting to act out his same-sex desires with his life-long male best friend was a bit bewildering. He was sure it was plain on his face.

But Ferris didn’t even laugh. His eyes just lit up and he gave Cameron a smirk. “Cam,” he told him, “I think you finally took the words right out of my mouth.”

Wow. He loved that bastard.

Cameron, feeling a bit lighter, wiped his mouth in response and said “I think you took a few words out of my mouth too.”

At that Ferris laughed, and then shrugged in mock irreverence and said, “Well, I’m sure you didn’t actually need them.”

Cameron considered that, and brought to mind the lushness of Ferris’ lips, and the colliding heat of their faces, and how they were just beginning to really press toward one another and that hand in his hair . . . and after some silence was emboldened enough, by Ferris’ kiss and even the one before it, Sloane’s, that he said, “No, I don’t think I - I really do. Not right now.”

Ferris perked up and asked in a teasing tone, “No?”

A slow grin spread across Cameron’s face and he shook his head gently. “Nah.”

What seemed like a nearly identical grin appeared on Ferris, yet it was just unassuming enough that Cameron was totally caught off guard when he swiftly reached forward and ruffled Cameron’s hair unforgivingly, and it wasn’t until he cried out in surprise, “Hey! Ow-” that Ferris cut him off with a passionate kiss.

Man, did Ferris give it to him this time. It was more enthusiasm than love that drove his actions, not that Cameron ever felt like complaining about it. It was pretty contagious, and when Cameron swore he could feel the curve of Ferris’ mouth turning upwards in what felt like an involuntary smile it just made the whole experience all the better. His touches lingered on his torso and, rather than ruffling it this time, curled into his hair in such a way that gave him unadulterated bliss. As they pressed their faces together closer and closer, he could feel the first sproutings of facial hair rub together that came from both of them not bothering to shave all weekend, and it made his skin tingle. Hearing the short, low moans that were being pulled from Ferris, Ferris _Bueller_ , were sweeter than any guilty fantasy could have conjured. They tilted their heads back and forth in a sort of dance, and all Cameron could say to that and the rest of it was Holy _Moses_.   
A second love was sealed between Cameron and Ferris, twice as forbidden as the first that was sealed that night, but with just as much passion.

When Ferris pulled away, it was slowly, and paused in the middle to nuzzle their noses together, while Cameron’s heart skipped a beat. Afterward, with a silent interlude so as to catch their breaths, Cameron reached out to hold Ferris’ cheek with a shivering hand. Ferris’ smile widened at the gesture, and he leaned into it, almost cocking his head to the side while watching Cameron with a curious sort of expression. Like he was contemplating something but wouldn’t budge about what it was until Cameron himself asked. So, deciding to play into this little game, Cameron did. “What?”

Ferris sighed lovingly and asked, “Would you really think us two could be apart forever?”

Cameron immediately replied, “Oh, absolutely I did.”

“No, no, I mean if you _really_ thought,” Ferris clarified. “Like, say you meditated under a poplar tree for a thousand days and a thousand nights, thinking only about our exploits throughout childhood and high school as a couple of all-american-jewish boys coming into their own, through laughs to be had and punches to be pulled and blossoming affections to not quite realize, if you thought about nothing but _us_ , would you still say we could ever be apart forever?”

Cameron blinked at the out-of-nowhereness of that question at first, but like Ferris asked him to, he actually considered it. Because what _if_ he meditated for a thousand days and a thousand nights under a poplar tree, with nothing for company but all those memories of them, because spending that much time with Ferris Bueller adds something to your life whether you like it or not. And he remembered again, as he had before, that he was the friend Ferris knew longer than any other. Many came and went where Ferris was to be concerned, and he enjoyed it all, but somehow throughout all that it was Cameron he kept as the unlikely everlasting beacon.

In the end, there was only one sure answer. “No.”

Ferris took Cameron’s hand off his cheek and held it between them. “Didn’t think so.”

Before he could fully grapple with the implications of what Cameron answered with, he for once wanted to hold something like that off to think about later, and just decided to leave the moment for what it was.

Ferris’ eyes seemed to glisten at him slightly, and Cameron squeezed his hand.

Then, Sloane draped herself across Cameron’s back as he jerked and went “Woah!” in an unexpected, but very much not unwelcome, turn of events. She hooked an arm around one of his shoulders and hooked her chin over Cameron’s other shoulder so that she was tucked snugly into his neck.

“You two are a dream, aren’t you? Make sure you don’t wake me up,” Sloane said to them, her voice lilted in admiration.

Ferris raised an eyebrow and gave her a smirk this time. “Oh, what’s the intrusion? Feeling left out, honey?”

“Oh, nah. I was, you know, enjoying the view.” She reassured them. Then _she_ smirked, mirroring Ferris, and made sure to add right after, “But I’m not objecting to anything.”

Ferris held his smile and his gaze on her, then pushed forward to the left of Cameron this time, where Sloane was resting, and Sloane shifted off of his shoulder so that she could turn to where Ferris’ head was hovering. Cameron craned his neck so that he could get as good a look at them as he possibly could, seeing them inspect each other’s faces with wanting eyes. Something caught in his throat.

Ferris covered Sloane’s arm, the one that lied on Cameron’s shoulder, and grasped it, bringing his other arm onto Sloane’s back. “C’mere then,” he murmured, as she laughed breezily into his mouth. They started kissing all too easily at the end of his shoulder, with Cameron watching and trying not to forget how to breathe.

There was something about it. Not only that it was possibly the hottest thing Cameron had experienced so far in his young life (and he’d just _made out_ with these people) but there was just. Something about the position they were in. Then, as they both pushed in closer, it hit him what it actually was. It was the fact he was being held by them both. And being held for so long. Wasn’t just that it was them doing the holding, but the act itself. When Cameron was encircled like that, it was like he didn’t want to know anything outside of the embrace anymore, anything outside of the warmth. He’d rarely known care that was even remotely like that, besides those annual trips to his grandfather’s that he spent the rest of the year longing for. Love had been too conditional for too long for him. Before, Cameron didn’t let himself realize how true that was in his life.

But now he did, and he was shaking.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but the longer he was in between them the more fragile he was getting, so before they stopped he looked away, out into the trees. Tried to prolong whatever he knew was going to happen, even though everything about this made it so goddamn hard to distract from. He still tried.

He heard them stop, pull back, and he knew inevitably that their stares would both land on him so he still kept looking away. His nose twitched and he couldn’t stop from sniffing wetly, and then doing it again, and then a third time, until Ferris went, “Hey . . .” so softly Cameron couldn’t take it anymore.

Cameron’s arms came up around them in a forceful flash of movement, shifting clumsily so they were facing him at his sides. He gripped the backs of their coats so tightly his fingers already hurt and crushed his face into the place where Sloane’s and Ferris’ shoulders met.

They didn’t question it. Their arms were around him just as quick, and as they all huddled closely like that Cameron found it harder to hold off the long-awaited flood he was absolutely dreading. But then they kept murmuring things that he couldn’t quite tell were words or not, but were definitely reassurances, and when they started to rub their hands on his back he---

He didn’t want to try anymore. He broke.

A big, anguished sob rasped from his throat and caught in his lungs, and then out ripped another, and then a smaller one, and then he took a great, wet, ugly breath in. And then it all started over. The grief he was sampling before the near-fight, before he got to kiss either of them, was nothing at all compared to what this would become, not in the least. It wracked his body, every shudder came with another stream of tears, and Cameron was sure it was only pure sorrow coming out of his mouth at that point. But they still kept him there, they didn’t even flinch or budge. Every so often they rocked him in place as he leaned in helplessly toward him, and whispered that they were still there for him, and all through it that was what got to him. Here he was, overwhelmed and eaten away by that empty spot in his life that got so infrequently filled, and here they were, like it was from the beginning: accepting him for it all the same. They were definitely harbors of happiness for him before, but now, now that they were unbound from all the things Cameron didn’t think anyone could say, they were all that and more, impossibly so. Something had happened that night that none of them could ever come back from, and how wonderful was that?

A crazy thought entered Cameron’s head right about then. That maybe it was supposed to be this way all along.

He drew all of it into him. As he did, the sobs came less frequently, less harshly, until after a long while, Cameron at last could tell them the only thing that had to be said.

“ _I love you_.” His breath was quavering as he talked, and he gave a few sharp gasps. “I-I love you. God, I love you both _so_ much. I--”

His voice gave out. He swallowed thickly, fighting a lump, and sighed. “I love you,” Cameron murmured again.

He felt Ferris’ hand on his back tighten, and heard Sloane sniff weakly. He hoped he wasn’t going to make them as much of a mess as he was, if that was possible.

Then he got their responses, an “ _I love you too_ ,” whispered into each ear, and Cameron had never heard anything better. Not in his whole fucking life.

After taking some time to let those wonderful, wonderful words sink into all of them, Cameron mindlessly muttered, mostly to himself, “Jesus fuck, what did I _do_ to deserve any of this?”

That set Ferris laughing softly at his shoulder, followed by a mumbling of just one word, “Ridiculous.”

Cameron leaned back almost instantly, disoriented, and looked between Ferris and Sloane, of course with an emphasis on Ferris. “W-What?”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Ferris stated simply, with a small smile. “The Cameron I know is more deserving of what we have here than any other guy in the world. My god, you really can’t tell what you are to us, can you?” He looked to Sloane, still smiling. “Guess we’re going to have to work at that, then.”

“It’s true,” chimed in Sloane, holding Cameron’s attention with sad, but adoring eyes. “I mean, you go on about how much we mean to you, but _you_ , Cameron? I don’t think we could make it without you, not really. Not in a way that matters. That’s how much you are to us. And we’re late to saying it, but hell,” Sloane sniffed again, eyes starting to water. She shrugged happily anyway. “It just needed to be said.”

“There’s a total of just one Cameron Frye on earth we’re able to give a damn about,” said Ferris. “And aren’t we glad he ended up being you?”

“No, no,” Cameron interrupted them hurriedly, his words being warbled by grief again, as he simultaneously wiped one of his eyes and waved a hand in front of them. “Guys, no. If you keep going like that I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna s-s-stop.”

Sloane laughed under her breath and pulled him in again, while Ferris followed suit. Her voice was hoarse like at the beginning, but her words were so, so caring. “Then don’t stop.”

“This has been a long time coming, Cam,” Ferris told him, while stroking the length of his back. “So I think you deserve every moment of it for yourself.”

Given their permission and taken into their hold, Cameron let as much of it go as he could once more. It wasn’t as intense as before, but it was definitely more cathartic, like he was emptying or cleaning something that was long neglected. He guessed he actually was, in a way. Every so often one of them would press a kiss to his neck or jaw if he made a particularly unhappy sound, or just for no discernable reason, and oh, god, he didn’t expect something like that could feel heaven-sent but it _did_. In fact, God, if he thought he was being a dramatic _before_ , that now felt far from the truth, because right then he felt like he was holding onto a miracle itself. 

It didn’t take too long for him to stop. Soon he was only sighing against them, as the cold wind dried the salty remnants of tears onto his cheeks. He felt worn and heavy, and full of gratitude, but more than anything he just wanted to lie down with these two, finally without the guilt of longing pinning him down to the ground. It was more than he ever thought he could ask for. 

Cameron leaned back steadily, closed his eyes, and breathed out; a long, slow whistle. He opened them, and saw Ferris and Sloane, both sets of their eyes decently glossed over with tears, and their gentle grins as beautiful as ever. Cameron took each of them and pressed a quick kiss to their lips, and mumbled to them, “Let’s go inside.” He let out another tired sigh “Let’s . . . Let’s go inside.”  
Sloane leaned her cheek on Cameron’s shoulder, held onto his arm and told him, “You got it, Cam.”

After a pause Ferris started to shift in place and lift himself up, as well as Sloane and Cameron, encouraging them with a tug on either arm and murmuring, “Alright, come on then, everyone up . . .”

As soon as Cameron stood up and found his balance again, the first thing he noticed was that the campfire was what you could barely call a flame anymore, a few lone flares clinging to charred wood and ash. The embers were settled in there, just like he imagined before. But he didn’t have to consider it for long, because Ferris and Sloane already put themselves to work by starting to snuff it out completely. While they did that, Cameron wandered a little ways away to idly look around, see what else was new. For the first time that night he noticed that the moon was full and round. At the least, it seemed that way. Then a noticeably strong breeze brought his attention to the rustling of the leaves in the far-away treetops, and once the trees got his attention, they kept it, because he couldn’t keep his eyes off them right away. He noticed just how much they loomed, lofty, almost bending toward him, and every time their leaves started swishing together again, you could almost imagine they were whispering to each other . . .

“Hey, Cam.” It was Sloane. She grabbed his shoulder, and he nearly jumped at the contact, but still he was strangely grateful for the diversion. She drummed her fingers where she was holding him. “Let’s go in, huh?” she asked. A few seconds after she said that, the tent itself lit up yellow from the lamp, and he saw Ferris’ shadow within blowing out a match. Cameron nodded, and in they went, together.

They all talked away half the night in that tent, telling Cameron everything they thought he should know and everything he asked, just as Sloane had promised him. At first Cameron didn’t think he would last long enough to get even one question answered; with his emotional range being stretched and mangled like that in one night he thought he’d be near to passing out. But as soon as he crawled in and settled in between them, and they got both of their hands on him, like magic he felt more awake than ever.

It became much less sobering than all of their confessions, in fact it took on the air of the nights before that night: juvenile delinquents chatting each other’s heads off, with firelight shining in their wide, spirited eyes. Only difference was, they didn’t talk like that in the tent, it was always out _there_ that they did. The tent was for sleep, darkness, for a lovely couple to hold onto each other like their lives depended on it and for some unfortunate third wheel to curl up in his corner and resignedly try not to think about the secrets that he always, without fail, knew he was going to think about anyways. They didn’t even keep the lamp on too long before, just enough time to get ready for bed. But all those roles were soon thrown out the tent flap. Bedding and pillows were tossed together, limbs gladly tangled up with each other, and affectionate touches were flung about freely; an all for one and one for all cuddle fest.  
The conversational topics that night were of special interest: Sloane’s own personal discovery of the same gender, Cameron’s gay awakening and later on his subsequent Ferris-awakening, the exact moment Ferris realized the part of him that was crazy for Cameron had been in stasis his whole life, and the fateful day that Ferris and Sloane came out to each other. They told all those stories and more and peppered them with laughter and heckling, wry jokes and truth-stretching of amazing proportion, and all in all their own personal brand of absurdity. In other words, real theater stuff. They could’ve gone for a long while doing that, had time not existed.

And they kissed. They kissed so much, casually, like it was nothing, even though it definitely always felt like something. Must’ve done it about fifty-six times. Cameron couldn’t quite tell if that was a rough estimation or wishful exaggeration. Whichever it was, his lips felt damn sensitive by the time they went to sleep.

They nodded off pretty unwillingly, only stopping when the conversation turned into half-planned dates and unintelligible pet names. Somewhere between that one of them must’ve turned out the light, because they fell into drowsiness and darkness soon after.

He was lucky enough to wake up first the next morning and feel the presence of two still, snoozing bodies sprawled out on either side of him. Best thing was, Cameron had a taste of what it was like to deliberately want someone the moment you woke up, and to not have to berate yourself for it.

He basked in it for a few peaceful minutes, and then without really thinking, sat up groggily. Or at least he was going to until Ferris’ hand started pulling him back down to the ground and he heard his hushed voice go, “Hey, woah there . . .”

When he turned to Ferris’ charmingly smug, sleepy face, he then said, “What, running away already? That was faster than I expected.”

Cameron rolled his eyes and responded with, “Damn, you ruined my plans. I was just about to sneak out and go live in the hollow of a tree for the rest of my life.”

“You don’t surprise me.” Ferris traced Cameron’s jaw with a finger. “Now kiss me, you fool,” he concluded, and they happily pecked.

“Hey. Roll over and let’s see what our better third is up to,” Ferris suggested, referring to the silent Sloane on the right of Cameron, and Cameron contentedly obliged. When they settled in next to her, with Ferris looking over his shoulder and his arm hanging across his torso, they saw Sloane there as the vision of tranquil, uninterrupted rest. Just watching her was soothing.  
“Aw, isn’t that cute,” Ferris cooed, as he reached over Cameron and played with a lock of her hair, made unruly from slumber. “You know what? I just found out I’m glad I finally have someone to share this sight with.”

“Yeah,” Cameron agreed quietly, but ardently, and he followed with a murmuring of “Gorgeous.”

Sloane’s eye snapped open and she grinned widely, “What was that?”

After Ferris and Cameron recovered from the shock at the revealing of this masquerade, they shoved Sloane playfully as she giggled uncontrollably and went, “Because it just sounded like you were talking about me!”. It devolved into her smacking kisses all over their cheeks ‘til they were both red in the face, and then play-wrestling as the three happy hooligans they were at heart.

Eventually they somehow ended up leaving the tent and packing up their stuff, though it was interceded for a bit when Ferris snuck up behind Cameron while he was pulling out a tent peg and tickled his ribs. Cameron retaliated by pinning his arms to the ground, and before he could realize that Ferris relented strangely easily, his plan was put into action. Ferris gently but quickly enough rolled them both over and suddenly Cameron was the one on his back, with Ferris kissing him long and hard. Sloane, amused by it all, pulled Ferris off of Cameron and onto his feet, clutching him by the waist. Cameron scrambled up after them, with Ferris taking him by the hand and helping him with it, and soon he and Sloane cornered each other over Ferris’ shoulder and started kissing, as they all wrapped their arms around each other. “We’re becoming fast friends, huh?” Ferris asked, and of course, it was the perfect thing to say.

None of them thought twice about any of it.

Later, when they were in the car on the long journey, Cameron leaned toward them from the back seat (not a perfect arrangement, but it was the only way he got to be between them in there) and said to them, “Hey, when are we going back there again?”

“Next summer, my love, just you wait,” Ferris said “my love” like he was referring to Cameron as “buddy” or “friend”, but it still sent Cameron’s heart into palpitations. 

At that, Cameron said, “Let’s make it spring. I can’t wait that long.”

“Okay, okay. Spring?” Sloane asked Ferris brightly.  
“Spring.” Ferris agreed.

With that taken care of, Cameron kissed Ferris’ shoulder, and then the back of Sloane’s hand, like it was just something they were used to.

The morning sunlight coming through the car windows felt like the best thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thats about it! thank you for your patience for those who have waited. i will say that i was contemplating actually writing the conversation they have in the tent, but i realized it would all be stuff that ferris and sloane already discuss in the coming out fic im writing for them, and also the material in the next three chapters of slow dance. i plan to finish writing and publishing the coming out fic next, so look out for that if you're interested. anyway, the moral of this story is to let people know they're allowed to be bisexual and polyamorous. thank you and goodnight. (also please give me a comment if you want to i worked really hard on this)

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it! please consider leaving kudos and a comment if you did, ive worked hard on this fic in particular and i'd love to know if anyone likes the first half of it


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